home? starring ; mushimae, kaamu (+ tsuranashi), maoaru.
20/02/25

mae had always been the quiet kid. the one who didn’t draw attention to himself, but still managed to be decent at everything he tried—school, sports, music. although picked on by his classmates for being "weird", no one knew the secret he carried with him every day: periodic paraplegia. some days, his legs would work just fine. other days, they wouldn’t. it was unpredictable, and it was always a constant weight on his shoulders.

today was one of those days.

the sun was setting, painting the sky with shades of orange and pink as he leaned on a shiny metal barrier beside the steps outside the school, trying to enjoy the rare moment of peace before heading home. he was still processing the weird feeling in his legs—heavy and stiff—but he didn’t want to draw attention to it. not today. not when he had a test coming up, not when he had homework piling up. and definitely not when they were approaching.

kaamu.. well, kaamu and her brother. the girl who had been helping him study in the library for the last few months. the girl with the big, bright smile and the laugh that made his heart flutter. her brother was quiet, strangely quiet. it's not like he couldn't speak or something, he had just never uttered a word, - well, maybe he had, but not around anyone mushi knew, anyway. he almost seemed like an empty shell attached to her back or something..

mushimae noticed them a thousand times, but always from a distance. kaamu was older, popular, funny, confident—a world away from him.

and now, of course, she was walking toward him.

he quickly adjusted his posture, trying to ignore the tingling in his legs - but the pressure was mounting, the familiar weight of the paralysis slowly creeping its way up his spine, making his knees shake.

she smiled as she got closer, her brother walking almost robotically behind her. “hey, my favourite mushimushiii!! how’s it going? are you down for a history sesh later?.. i need to work on my history anyways, and i thought-” she rambled on, giving him that same warm company as always.

he froze as her words passed straight over his head. his voice tangled in his throat. how’s it going? he couldn’t even feel his legs. he smiled back, trying to hide the unease in his chest. “uh, good. good,” he muttered, his voice sounding strained.

kaamu tilted her head, a small frown appearing on her face. “are you okay? you look kinda… pale.”

he could feel it now, the creeping loss of strength, the burning sensation creeping up his legs. not now, please, he thought, trying to shift his weight to stand. he wasn’t going to fall in front of her.

but it was already too late.

his legs buckled, and with a sharp gasp, he crumpled to the ground. his body refused to cooperate, his knees not able to hold him up. the tingling was intense now, racing through his body, but there was nothing he could do.

kaamus eyes widened in shock, and she rushed to his side. “shimae!” she exclaimed, kneeling down beside him. “what the hell? are you okay?”

maes heart pounded. he wanted to scream, to run away, but his body refused to listen. he looked up at her, embarrassed- trying to act like it wasn’t happening, but he could see the worry in her eyes, the confusion.

“i—i’m fine,” he said, his voice wavering. “just… just a little… tired.” he tried to push himself up, but his legs weren’t responding. they felt like dead weight. his arms were shaking, his hands sliding uselessly against the ground.

kaamu’s face softened. she reached out to help him, her fingers brushing against his arm gently. “mushimae,” she said quietly, “this isn’t something you just ‘power through.’ what’s going on?”

his throat closed. he couldn’t explain it. he couldn’t tell her the truth—that sometimes, his body betrayed him, that some days, his legs would just stop working, no warning, no reason. he didn’t want her to look at him differently, like a "cripple," like a "chronically ill person," like he was useless.

but kaamu didn’t pull away. she sat down next to him, a small frown on her lips. “i'm not leaving until you tell me what’s going on, mushi. you don’t have to hide it. you don't have to hide anything from me.”

the kindness in her voice cracked something inside of him. his chest tightened, his breath catching as he tried to speak. “it’s… it’s my legs. sometimes, they just… they just stop working. i don’t really know why. it's so fucking embarrassing.”

her expression shifted, from surprise to something softer, something more understanding. “you mean like, you have to wait until they come back?”

he nodded, embarrassed. “yeah. sometimes it’s hours. sometimes it’s days. i’ve just—” he cut himself off, feeling a lump in his throat. “i’ve just learned to deal with it. i don’t want people to know. i don’t want people to think i’m broken.”

kaamu sat quietly for a moment, her eyes not leaving him. “maemae,” she said slowly, “that doesn’t make you broken. everyone has something they’re dealing with, but you don’t have to go through it alone.”

he blinked, stunned. he had expected her to feel sorry for him, maybe even be repelled. but instead, she seemed genuinely concerned. she took a deep breath and said, “well, what can I do to help?”

he shook his head, still processing her words. “you don’t have to do anything. i just need to wait it out.”

kaamu smiled then, the same warm smile that made him nervous and comforted him at the same time. “okay, then. i’ll wait with you. you shouldn’t have to go through this alone, right?”

he didn’t know what to say. for a moment, it felt like the world had stopped—like everything that had seemed so impossible to explain, so hard to face, didn’t seem so bad anymore.

and so, for the first time, mushi let himself relax. he didn’t have to hide, not with kaamu by his side. it wasn’t just his body that needed healing. maybe, for once, he could let someone else see him—really see him—and be okay with it.

as they sat there, waiting, he realized that the thing he’d feared the most wasn’t his condition, or what people might think. It was letting someone in.

but with Kaamu, he didn’t have to be afraid.

they spoke about all sorts, sat on the steps together, and when mushi realised the sun had almost set he saw his older brother, maoaru, walking at a fast pace towards the school, looking for him.

“maemae??” maoarus voice cut through the calm atmosphere as he spoke. “are you okay?”

he didn’t answer. he couldn’t. he tried to speak, but his throat was tight. he could feel his legs still tingling, unable to move them, and he wanted to disappear into the floor. he could feel the weight of kaamu’s gaze on him, and it was like a crushing boulder.

why did he always have to come looking for him? why did he always have to worry about him?? didnt he understand that this was embarrassing enough for him without him 'needing' his older brother to pick him up and carry him home??

maoaru stood up, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "oh, i—im sorry,” he said, looking at kaamu, his voice tense. "ill go. im sorry. please call me if you need me mushi, i love you and i'll be here in two seconds."

"just go."

maoaru gave him a look that mae couldn’t quite read. maybe it was pity, or maybe just frustration. but kaamu—kaamu didn’t look at him like he was broken. she just looked at him, really looked at him, with that soft smile she always had.

“you don’t have to hide it, you know,” kaamu said gently, her brother twitching on her back. “you don't have to be embarrassed, you’re still you. it doesn’t change anything.”

his heart twisted. he had spent so long hiding the truth, keeping it buried deep inside, afraid that people would treat him differently. but here was kaamu, sitting beside him, no judgment in her eyes—just understanding.

“i just hate looking weak,” mae mumbled, feeling incredibly embarrassed. “i'm small enough as it is, i didn’t want you to think... that i’m not good enough.”

her face softened for the first time. “mushi..” she said quietly, “you don’t have to prove anything to anyone, especially not me. you’re good enough just the way you are, you don’t have to be perfect. no one is.”

maemae looked up at her, his heart pounding in his chest. he hadn’t realized how much he’d been holding in, how terrified he was of being seen. but in that moment, with kaamu there beside him, something inside him started to break open.

“i… i’ve been practicing for the talent show as well,” mae said, his voice wavering, “but now, i don’t think i can do it.”

kaamus smile didn’t fade. “you can do it,” she said firmly. “i'm not going anywhere. and i know you’ve got something special in you. you can get up. you’ll make it.”

he swallowed hard. his legs were still a dead weight, but kaamus words made something in him stir. maybe it wasn’t about being perfect, about proving anything to anyone. maybe it was about doing what made him happy—whatever that looked like.

p2 where he meets the real kaamu!!

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Pub: 20 Feb 2025 18:35 UTC

Edit: 22 Feb 2025 17:38 UTC

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