home?
starring ; mushimae, kaamu.
21/02/25
read part one first!
but all that.. all those words seemed to change because after a while, something switched inside of her.
at first, kaamu seemed to have been incredibly understanding. she would help him with whatever he needed when he was paralyzed, even taking time off classes and work when his episodes became more frequent. she would cheer him on, offering comfort and support during his recovery, knowing that it wasn’t something he could control. but as the months passed, kaamu began to lose that kindheartedness, that purity that had captured mushi in the first place, and it wasn’t just about the paralysis—atleast it didn't feel that way.
it was the constant negativity that gnawed at him. some days, kaamu would would get angry at him, and other days, she would act nice—helpful, loving even, only to use his little body for sex while he was paralysed, and go straight back to acting horrible towards him. it wasn’t fair. she used him as an outlet to her anger, and he did nothing to warrant such behaviour from her.
when they went out, she was still the same kaamu he knew at the start, the funny, witty, egotistical, popular kaamu that he loved, the kaamu that comforted him that day he collapsed outside the school. but the second—the second he would walk through the door and she would lock it behind him, she changed. it was like the kaamu he had always known, always found comfort in, was simply an easily removable mask hiding a bitter, evil, careless girl behind it.
one afternoon, mushi had a mild episode. he was sitting on the sofa, watching tv, when his legs suddenly gave out. kaamu had to help him to the floor, support his weight as he helplessly sat there, waiting for the episode to pass.
"again? are you fucking serious? fucking useless." she muttered under her breath, a flash of irritation crossing her face.
mushimae glanced up, eyes filled with apologetic regret. "kaamu, I'm so sorry. i didn’t want this to happen."
she stood up, pacing back and forth, her hands clenched at her sides. "no, mae. i’m so fucking tired of this. you're so useless. you cant even watch tele-fucking-vision without me having to do something for you like jesus christ," she began to rant at him, "why does it always have to be like this? why can’t we ever just have a normal day? you know, one where i don’t have to worry about you collapsing or—"
her voice raised as she yelled at him, getting angrier by the second, "i can’t keep putting my life on hold for you. this is exhausting. it’s like i can’t rely on you for anything anymore. you’re not even my boyfriend. you're just my responsibility. the only reason i wanted to be with you in the first place is because youre a cute little boy whos legs don't work but fucking hell, i would've thought you wouldve been able to handle it yourself after living with it for a while. you're only useful when im raping you, and even then you don't cry nearly loud enough," the only breaks taken from talking being taken to slap, punch and push him around on a chair the boy couldn't even move from. the words were relentless and sharp, each sentence feeling like another cut to the deep wound she had already created. "you'd be so much easier to deal with if i just sewed your fucking mouth shut. is that what you want? for me to sew your mouth shut?"
he was stunned. he hadn’t expected her to react this way. he had always thought kaamu understood. his eyes stung, as he felt tears spill out of them, he struggled to speak.
"i'm sorry" he said softly, his voice barely a whisper. "i'm sorry kaamu please i—i'll deal with everything myself, i'll stop talking, just please.. stop." he sobbed, trying to shield his torso and face from the relentless hitting.
kaamu paused. she looked at mushimae—really looked at him—and he thought that then, in that moment, she saw how deeply he was hurting. his face was pale, his eyes wide with confusion and guilt.
but no. she saw what she had always seen. a toy. a vessel of entertainment.
she smiled at him, rubbing her fingers along his face, and spoke softly. "now, now, it's okay my little baby boy, you've made me feel better."
his eyes, although teary, seemed to light up at the idea of making kaamu smile, making her calm. "i— have? how?"
"the way you always do. those pretty tears." she slid her hands under his armpits and lifted him into the air, almost the way you would a baby. "yknow, mushi, youre actually ten times more attractive to me when youre so weak and pathetic like this.. arent you, hm?"
at that moment, something sunk in his chest. something clicked, and everything made sense. why she got so close to him after finding out about his condition, how much more she would fuck him when he was paralysed, why she seemed so much more supportive than anyone he'd told before, it all made sense.
he wasn't anything to her. he wasn't even "just a boy with faulty legs" as he had always feared he would be seen as, but worse. an object, similar to a stuffie on a shelf. you remember its there, you look at it, think its cute, pick it up, play with it, put it back, and ignore it until the next time you're bored and remember its there, and it was no different with kaamu.
kaamu, having broken her toys thousands of times prior, noticed that look in his eye. that glassy look, that way their eyes fade when they realise what they really are to you, and to this, she smiled softly at him. "awh, baby, you didn't really think someone would love you.. without getting something out of it, did you? oh my little mushimushi.. you're totally useless. you can't do anything, you're dead weight on everyones back. you should already know that your best use is here, with me.. anything more is just wishful thinking" she giggled at the stupidity of his hopeful thoughts, "besides, i'm probably the only one who would ever put in such effort to love someone worth so little in the long run."
mae gave a small, tired smile, his hand reaching out to hers, as he embraced the warmth of her company, the warmth of the fact that someone really loved him. "i love you. my angel. thank you for putting up with me."
"now, come here." she said, her voice turning cold. she went to pull him into her lap, but he spoke nervously, "kaamu—please please don't.. not right now.. i—i feel so awful and sick.. my head won't stop pounding-" but he was abruptly cut off by a much more agitated tone then the last.
"not another word or i'll cut your fucking tongue out. stop whining maemae. be a good little baby and be grateful someone even loves you enough to do this to you."
i mean, she wasn't wrong. noone had ever held him so close, so tightly, and he couldn't remember the last time someone elses skin had been so close to his - as his parents certainly didn't want to go anywhere near touching him.
maybe there was something about her, something that makes him feel warm and safe, like the outside world is just an empty, distant space that never existed.