literature doc


11/15/23
i didn't want to get up today
there was a sharp feeling of angst in my heart
drowning me deeper
my body got up
dragging me across the burden earth

my voice is
the smell of a dead stink bug rotting
my voice is
a gaint chomping me up
my voice is
a thousand tears i have carried


11/16/23
this awful, creative mind
this wonderful, messy mind
this useful, thick head
this tired, draggy head


11/17/23
waiting
ticking
still
talking
stable
watching
ten
seven
weird
dying

slipping out
empty
dancing violent thoughts
bulleted into every mental corner
hardley alive
taking many steps toward harm
pain-ting a fine face to others
at the edge
ropes thrust your way
you try to hang on like everyone recommends
but you can't
gone too far
in this messy hellscape
found the right way
surviving
environmented at place
daring
becoming someone else


11/18/23
i can hear my screams
i'll cry terribly
and understand myself through
but will others?
will they tease my voice?
will everyone pick up on the misgendering?
what if i'm trapped by people who don't understand me?
people who don't consider that my voice isn't me?
people hurting me bit by peice?
people who don't consider things and just talk?
people who think i am a freak because i didn't talk in a loud environment?
people who make me feel a disturbing amount of dread?

hurt
misunderstood
not seen
stabbed through
detected as not enough
to present
scary
dreading
crying
in pain
of the big fictional environment


11/20/23
i'm going to die at thanksgiving dinner
all the extended family will nom at my flesh
figuration of a chopped mess


11/22/23
⬛⬛⬛⬛ streak
⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ bag
sitting near
in the ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ room
so much to ⬛⬛⬛⬛
second ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ of my lifeline


11/27/23
fighting myself
drowning myself
disturbing myself
hurting myself
breaking myself
overwhelming myself
sitting alone crying by myself
alienating myself


11/29/23
life is a fiction
life is a pain
life is a distress
life is a dying animal
life is a misunderstanding
life is a trick
life is disordered

life is a bleeding leg
life is a concussed head
life is a broken arm
life is a stomach tumor
life is a swollen up lip

life is a lot of wires and stones stuck to you
life is a sharp knife


12/1/23
death is misgendering
death is being misunderstood
death is being triggered
death is when someone calls a big problem something small
death is uncertainty
death is alienation
death is uncomfortable things
death is a long sorrow
death is not being perceived as your identity


12/11/23
for just a second, please understand me
please
please
pleeaassee

you won't peice me together fully if you don't understand me

people are more likely to view things as negative when they're down be careful

the ratatachada gonna come for me
sharp and undeafeted among thee
my guts will be torn n the head thrown
da chra cha ha ha cha da chra cha
the ratachadara gonna hunt you down too


1/16/24
➤ destruct
● continue
● dissociate


what i learnt:
be considerate to the maximum towards people, making sure to include anything

what you learnt:
nothing


i am not uneducated
i am not non processing
i am not non feeling
i am not your prey
i am only mute


“r——d”
“r——d”
“r——d”
when will you grow up and stop saying a slur that will trigger and offend several disabled people because of it’s ableist history regardless of what you think?


new blog

Edit

Pub: 15 Nov 2023 17:48 UTC

Edit: 27 Dec 2025 14:30 UTC

Views: 210