Naomi's Timeline of Important Things (N's TIT)

I am currently feeling Mood indicator

Table of Contents - Relevant People (2024)

Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sept Oct Nov Dec
01/2024 02/2024 03/2024 04/2024 05/2024 06/2024 07/2024 08/2024 09/2024 10/2024 11/2024 12/2024
Key Meaning
Fuchsia Character/ Person
Lime Things A wrote that I edited

June (06/2024)

02/06/2024 Getting cut off by J & R

To be written.

02/06/2024 Getting no goodbye from James.

My class did an science and engineering careers excursion back in the start of 2022,
Something where we looked for what we wanted to do in our futures in STEM.
On this excursion I met James who had came from a more prestigious school,
Just the thought of a rich kid made our initial interaction a bit awkward at the start.
But over the half an hour break we realized all of our tech passions were the same,
So we mutually exchanged details before the break ended and our schools separated.

A few days after I exchanged details and James and I talked about meeting a their place.
We made plans where I agreed to catch public transport to theirs which took over 2 hours,
Travel time was excessive because I had to get to the city as he lived on just past top CBD.

To be finished.

May (05/2024)

31/05/2024 Getting the best day of the year so far

I woke up late feeling very sick with the morning starting with me throwing up.
The positive of throwing was that I had an excuse not to go to school for my first class,
Allowing me to sleep and die for a bit before leaving for the 2nd class of the day.
After school I went to As place to help with their work where I get A to actually do stuff,
JO did a few check-in while we were working and thought I was doing As work for them.
Later A clarified to JO that I was actually being helpful rather than just distracting,
Something that I appreciated a lot because I hate when people judge me without justification.
Helping A and having JO see me as more than a distraction was what made the day so good.

17/05/2024 Getting myself to be open about my feelings. (Pt. 2 Cannibalism.)

I had talked with A about my cannibalistic impulses before but I introduced it as something small.
I talked about my cannibalist feelings as "I imagine eating people who wronged me",
Because that statement was untrue to the actual extent of my feelings I told them straight up.
The feeling as being "hungry but not for food" and said I would actually like to eat someone.
After I explained it to A they basically just went "cool" and now I consistently bite them. :3

17/05/2024 Getting myself to be open about my feelings. (Pt. 1 Libido.)

As soon as A got to class I let them about the death of it and my libido.
Something I talked to them about doing prior with my complex of killing parts I dislike about myself.
They worried I might love them less because of this causing this conversation said over a document:

still find you beautiful
just don’t find lust in it anymore
If that’s a concern?

Probably not, but i do find u not being sexually attracted to me a loss
Remember how you only started loving me after it happened, do u think thats reverting too?
Is it like a good friendship again?

I think my perspective hasn’t change i think ‘the incident’ left a ‘mark’(iplier)
I still love your arms but now just for the sake of love rather than sexual appreciation

So do u still love me like u did, but minus the painful horniness?

I don’t know about the future of it but right now, yes.
Hopefully in the future it will remain

After going back and forth for awhile I had let A know that I still loved them the same.

16/05/2024 Getting my libido/ sex drive killed. (I got stressed.)

During class I had been on the couch working on my personal project for a class about introspection,
But because I had this class with A at the time it felt REALLY horny just by their presence.
I tried to temporally pause these feelings by curling up into a ball on the other side of the couch to A.
I laid there for a bit doing nothing till I reached out my hand to them as a form of self-support.
It was nice but nothing was bringing down my libido so It got to the point where it was overwhelming.
I asked A kindly to let go of my hand and as soon as they did I in a fit of stress punched the wall.
The hit made a VERY audible sound and as I turned back from my action to hold hands with A again.
Everyone in the class turned and pinned their eyes on me including the teacher SE who asked,
"What happened? Are you alright?" which I only responded with "I got stressed..." with me tearing up.
SE asks "Is there anything I could do to help?" and I promptly responded with "no."
All the other classmates go back to their work as I just sit there back with A's hand.
Later at the end of class as I was leaving SE shortly stated "I hope you get better.".
As soon as I got home from school I quickly locked myself in my room and verbally attacked myself.
I continued until I didn't feel it around anymore until I "killed my libido".
Something I'm good at, emotional repression as had done the same thing with anger back in Grade 6.
If I didn't like something about myself I forced myself to change. Anger-less, Libido-less.

03/05/2024 Chat Log from Me to A.

Last night, I felt good being able to just admire you with out being down bad due to lack of sleep but I did it at the cost of choosing to catch the last bus, Leading to me failing to get the bus driver to notice me.
Making me stuck in the city trying to contact anyone who lives nearby and may had been awake with me trying to text you and then G, Due to that I felt shame because of making your mother going out of her way to help me.

After I got home that I had a headache from being so emotionally drained and tired which made me feel very sensitive which, It wasn't helped when DD made the house reek like weed and then left meaning I couldn't go too bed because the whole back of the house causing me to be overstimulated.
I understand you were on hardcore sleep meds and me needing help was shit timing but trying to talk to the only person I completely trust and them seemingly making jokes at my experience or just humoring my situation absolutely killed me.

I tried so hard literally begging you to listen to me and you choosing to not to do things I had asked killed me.

01/05/2024 Getting a hangover. (And wearing a bikini top to school.)

After staying over night at J and R's place after being drunk I felt pretty bad.
I still needed to get up for school though however when I went to bed I took off my top which,
Underneath I had a bikini which I decided to just wear to school because the loose clothing polices.
There was still some Shiraz from the previous night that need to be used so before school I had a cup,
Then poured the rest into a water bottle mixing in vanilla coke and water making it taste slightly better.
Leaving me with a bottle to use at school which was 20% Shiraz, 30% Vanilla Coke and 50% Water.
Through out the school because I was still consuming alcohol I never felt it until I ran out,
Once the bottle was empty I got slightly hung over and I started feeling it but I was ok once school ended.

April (04/2024)

30/04/2024 Getting wasted for the first time. (It was with Red Shiraz.)

A week prior I had planned to get drunk at J and R's place with A,
Leaving a bottle of Red Shiraz at their place and I hoped to drink it as a group.
But on this day I wasn't able to be with A after school ending up with me drunk with J.
This was partially due to me need a break from my overwhelming sexuality.
Which at the time I felt that my sexuality was more of what my body wanted more than what I wanted.
I was happier, mainly because I was socializing with J and R but a lot of symptoms did show up.
I would dissociate often, I was louder, lights were brighter and I was my raw unfiltered self.
I was described by J as "Naomi but more" when drunk.
But the main thing was, when I was drunk it separated my body and me.
Something that was good because it wanted A and I didn't have to listen.
I could have a break from how I felt during school and at the end of yesterday.
R was a very epic drunksitter.

29/04/2024 Getting horny for the first time. (The day after Lesbian Visibility Week.)

Prior to this day A and I had made out before and in same sort of way.
But for some reason in the moment I guided their hand to my chest and JESUS my rocks were OFF.
I prior to this day had never felt a sex drive or libido in any way as prior to that, I was asexual.
I committed to sexual acts in relationships to please my past partner(s) with no thought of myself.
I never got something out of it except my partners approval until now.
I found that after the feeling wouldn't relax so I titled it "hyper demisexuality" as I couldn't get enough.

20/04/2024 Getting high for the first time. (On 4/20 for the eagle country.)

R found an old stash of weed they had and J prepared it by rolling it,
Then we went out to the park with weed and cigarettes and I tired both of them.
I was tired and hungry before so when It kicked in I didn't notice much but 4k touch.
The only thing that stood out was the fact I felt my skin as if I didn't have nerve damage.
It was with my friends J and R, J vibed while R made silly giggles every while.
All to cope being without A and because of coming out.

19/04/2024 Getting open about my sexuality. (My conservative family on ML's side.)

At 09:57 I sent ML, TA and DD-2 a link to a google doc titled "tl;dr, I'm trans." individually over SMS.
Everyone read the document but never responded except for TA who replied at 13:56 with:

Hi
We expressed our concerns to you regarding this matter and as per your SMS you’ve made your position and direction abundantly clear to us- given you’ve interpreted our concerns as triggering to you it’s best we break off contact as of now. Know that we love you and wanted the best for you.
Grandma

March (03/2024)

24/03/2024 Getting to the point where I left the band. (After my last EP.)

Since the start of November 2022 I had started a band with NH-7 and two of their friends,
Throughout 2023 the band expanded till we had a producer and 7 band members.
As I suffered from paranoia as the monthly listeners grew so did my paranoia.
I was scared someone random might know who I am and find me in some way,
But I felt safe enough in the band for a while as the band was faceless.
We continued as usual as we grew bigger till there was talk of "de-masking" eventually.
So now no longer having a relationship NH-7 and being in a relationship with A,
I had no reason to stick around so I let them know that I was leaving.
I recorded my parts of 3 tracks in the EP, After the tracks were edited I never came back to the studio.

February (02/2024)

15/02/2024 Getting in a lesbian relationship for the first time. (Goodbye, NH-7.)

The day after Valentine's Day J slipped up information from a private group chat.
Saying that "LY has thing they don't want to spread and A-" pausing on A's name,
I quickly respond with "What A likes me??" and J grins so hard trying to be subtle.
So I follow up with "No way....." in disbelief so after I went to my first class of the day.
As soon as A walks into class (late as usual) and as soon as they sat down,
I seated their entrance with "Hey buddy so you know how I have a boyfriend" being stated.
And started repeat phrases like "YOU LIKE ME!?!?!?!" and "Hey buddyyy the therapy gc....".
Getting dismissive responses from A during and even after class,
They kept profusely stating "The crush was small and it's gone now".
With my relationship between NH-7 already being threatened I gave it a shot,
Stating "I can make it work" and then stating the unstable status of my relationship with NH-7.
Explaining our relationship is close enough for us to be together anyways.

07/02/2024 Getting kisses shared between A and I. (A also tried LY too.)

03/02/2024 Getting pushed away by NH-7. (They offered "an in-band relationship".)

After I finished a few band track recordings, NH-7 (my boyfriend at the time) came up to me,
Stating that both of us hadn't been putting in enough effort into seeing each other outside the band.
Continuously justifying to me the flaws in our relationship than just straight up asking me,
"Could we break up and just have a relationship in the band?" with me dismissing it.
I asked "Can we keep pushing this relationship for another month and we'll see how it goes okay?",
NH-7 agreed and mutually also wanted the relationship to last.


People Relevant to me 2024

Person's Name Who they are to me Personality
Naomi Me ENFP
A My Current Partner ENFP
G My Partner's Mother ENFP
JO My Partner's Father INTJ
James My Dead Friend -
J A School Best Friend INFP
R A School Best Friend INFP
LY A School Friend INFP
SE A Teacher -
DD Cousin who lives with me -
NH-7 Ex-Partner and Ex-Band mate ISFP
ML Estranged Biological Father -
TA Estranged Grandma on my fathers side -
DD-2 Estranged Grandpa on my fathers side -
it The idea of my body as my libido -
Edit
Pub: 25 May 2024 07:22 UTC
Edit: 24 Jun 2024 15:30 UTC
Views: 336