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tl;dr
i need to use tonetags to convey tone to not only the person i am speaking to, but our headmates and any spectators in a public place
if you dislike tonetags, i can use tonal words or tonal phrases instead. ex: "you're such a bitch (i mean this affectionately)" instead of "you're such a bitch /aff" (just an example, i don't say this to people)
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while tonetags are helpful for others, that is not the only or even the primary reason we use them. we use them to prevent improper internal communcation between our headmates as well as anyone else watching the conversation if we are in a server talking.
you are not being infantilized. you are not being babied. i am not trying to be ambiguous (if clarification is needed due to being unintentionally ambiguous, you can absolutely ask and i will elaborate)