December Log
back from top 2 bottom, idk more comfy
Dec 1st
by my timezone, its 10:42 of november 30th. BUT I DONT CAREE THIS IS MYY RENTRY AND THE OTHER WAS LONG. soo.. hi
i always say how much i hate others, but i hate myself the most. i really fucking hate myself.
its 2:48am and im stating this because ryk and nikk BOTH stated it in their most recent logs. anyway.. ive been thinking, why is it so hard for people to love me? or just like me, in a romantic and non romantic sense. I wonder if I just meet bad people. When im out of their life, it seems so easy for them to move on. It seems so easy for them to forget about me, and if we talk again they tell me how much they hate me or how everything is better without me around. so maybe it really is me? I dont feel very good, about myself and the stuff ive done. i dont feel very good at all. i think my body is shutting down. I try to tell people that im doing well, and i try to act like im happy and better than everyone else, but i dont feel that way. its easier to pretend so people dont worry yk? i guess its ok to say this here because as far as im aware nikk and ryker are the only two who reads these. i wish i found some self worth in myself, sometimes i do but it doesnt last long.
i miss you, and i will always miss you☹
my mama is kinda like me, im at her house for a few hours (long story) anyway, she is so.. her. I love her but shes less self aware of her actions (and i thought I was bad) sometimes i wonder if ill end up living like that. i hope not. my mama is kinda like my best friend? shes more.. a friend.. than a mother at times. anyway, we dont look alike (ask nikk)((he says shes hot.)) she has long straight black hair, and im way more pale. im taller somehow. Shes bipolar and i have bpd, which are two different things..
Dec 2nd
what now? хахахаххаха
i decided to make a .. secreter rentry, for when i wanna talk about super super edgy stuff, (like.. sh and all that) you can dm me if you want the #LINK! .. dont be scared or whatever idk.
ive been SO busy today. im so annoyed everyone kept fucking texting me?? you fat LOSERS only text me when im busy but never EVER when im free. GOD I HATR YOU ALL! anyway, i had a good day^^
im doing alot of research on bipolar disorder, because thats what my ex had. If i understood it better maybe id understand why he did some of the stuff he did. idk
i dont wanna do this anymore.
my favorite crashouts are on my private rentry.. gulps!!!
Dec 3rd
you and ur bf will breakup NOW!
i have this album of tiktok videos saved that i wish i could send.. to this jiggaboo.. oh well
nikk says hi guadalupe, ^^ !!! i suggest we dont threaten me or this could go badly for us both no?
in all seriousness, if you have a issue take it with me up front with nikk, because nikk is sure happy to explain himself. Threatning me is nottt gonna change anything, its just gonna piss of nikk more. not to mention im holding back mutiple people from going at you, cut me some slack no? i barley mention you on here, but since you cant say what your issue is up front, lets do it here. youve leaked my nudes, lead me on, cheated on me, you added me and made ur banner my cuts? retard. you threatened to leak personal information aswell, although this a tip of the iceburg. i am trying to be nice but lord have mercy when i finally snap on you. what im saying is, me and nikk have every right to say what we want on OUR rentrys that YOU and YOUR boyfriend stalk. its the bare minimum for the shit you pulled. so please, again, if you have a problem, take it with me guadalupe.
nikk is my BEST friend, i love him. i act childish sometimes and he never judges me, i play stupid games and i always telll him abt them (toca boca life, everskies.. etc) i PUT HIM in toca boca life and we have a house.. its soo cool..
Dec 5th
nikk i love you
i was stalking nikks rentry.. and i tried to make mine look cool like his, i dont think i did very good... he has magic powers for making things look very nice and pretty. nikk really is the most important person to me in my life, he means very much to me. i stalk EVERYTHING he has, because thats what awesome best friends do, duh!! sometimes i frown when i read his entries. i love you nikk, you do not deserve to feel any sort of pain nor did you deserve to go through anything. i will defend you with my life no matter what situation. i think most people are EVIL!! very evil i fear. a few of my friends say im 2 nice, and that i am nice to evil people. i do think this is true, though i cant help it much. i dont really want to hurt people, because i know what its like to be hurt, and its not fun. even though people hurt me alot i still feel bad hurting them. its weird. i think im weird.. sometimes people think me and nikk are gay and in a homosexual relationship.. nikk what do you think about these allegetations? me and nikk did actaully date once, so techincally he IS my ex. he is my FAVORITE ex, he was very respectful towards me,, i blame hermit for the downfall. he was all weird and shit with MY bf, and it made me go a bit crazy.. (sorry nikk..) i thought he had a crush on nikk when we were together, which is why i was sooo MAD!! nd then after me and nikk broke up, he told me he DID like nikk. (stupid hermit) i will never forget that.. weirdo.. go get ur own boyfriend.. if i did have to date any of my friends though, i think i would choose nikk, which is very gay. but i wouldnt be unhappy i think, because i dont think much would change between us. i dont like sexual things or sex neither does he, and thats like 99% of my relationship problems. also, i know nikk so well i would never be paranoid. when i met him i do think i was very different, at least thats what he says.. I AM NOT GONNA BEAT THE ALLEGATIONS. i hope he doesnt go "kenny wtf is this king" GUYS im not gay for my bestfriend.. as far as im aware. on the topic of relationships, relationships are weird and i dont trust u troons. i dont think people are real, i will never be dating out of my race again. i learned my lesson. ok. i really need to stop trying to get in relationships with people i barley know, it never ends well... thats kinda what happened last time and it spiraled into a 6month thing. shivers.. whoever put me on 4chan count ur days. i am going to rape all your holes good GOD.
Dec 7th
i cant keep one rentry layout, or anything. today was weird and im irritated. i am in this state of ughhh i want to smash my phone
if for any case, you do read this, i got the very very late birthday letter. it was sad, the writing itself wasnt just, the downfall and the outcome
i suppose. not sure where to put it or what to do with it. I do have it, though.
help me out here hahahahahhahahaah
Dec 8th
hi its uhmm sunday, did yk amazon can give packages on sundays? i didnt know that..
the things i do so i dont feel empty. oh the things i do. OH HOHOHOHO nigga shut up. anyway, yeah idk.. lol
hi ryker block blast is MY thing OK! yeah, yeah i saw that buddy ol pal, i have a 21k high score get on off my block!!!!!
NOBODY will ever understand me like my private rentry crashouts... (and nikk) heh. yeah thats right nigga, and YOU probably dont have access to it! HAHA! LOSERRRsss!!!
Dec 9th
my fucking head hurts so bad.
im on all these new meds, i feel like im crazy. im not crazy, but GOD MYBEAD HURTS SO BAD
Dec 10th
hi trey good morning.. its 2:30pm and i still wanna go back to sleep, (i woke up at 2:11pm) i really need to fix my sleep, i missed class.. and school is lowkey important or some bs. normally callum wakes me up if im late(sometimes) but that jiggaboos on a cruise in fucking mexico.
rip
RYKER U WILL NOT BEAT MY 21K SCORE I WILL GO DOWN BEFORE THAT HAPPENS!!
last night i played ROBLOX with andrew, and that was fun,, i love you boys and girls dance club rape session.
im praying this is real. please god lord have mercy on my soul. please please i need this victory
trey has a nipple piercing..? faggot... why did i not get informed of this, is this real? i watched a movie it was very good.. i think my friend got fucking sniped, (hope hes alright srsly) anyways hi nikk im sorry i slept till 2pm. i missed you in my sleep king..
Dec 11th
kenny lore drop!! i was scrolling through tiktok and that one alfreds playhouse song animation was like.. the video, yk the one where it goes "we love alfred" and shit, yeah that made me think abt when my mama drugged me and i was tweaking for like 2 days straight and i had it on loop well i was throwing up and rocking back and forth.. fun times man! god, such a odd time in my life. why did i have it on loop? i dont know.. i was really feeling the "ME! ME! ME!" part.. such a odd week that was, i was vomiting from drinking straight vodka my mama gave me and like shaking from the shit she made me take. i also passed out on the bathroom floor, the rest is kinda a blur. that was when i was.. 15..? she also tried to hide and throw away my meds i took at the time. i had to talk to a detective like 2 weeks later, thought it was about that. was about me dating a 18 year old named ivan and selling myself for money. WOOHOO!!! ... yeah i dont think people know any of this, i kinda dont think about any of it. but now i am! so thats cool
everything feels wrong
better not be talking abt me niga
Dec 12th
i keep waking up with nose bleeds. aughhhhh mannn.. fuck this shit
when i bust out the private rentry all the hoes run the other way.. also what is with the 2000s worlds strictest parents kids.
i believe the only people who read this is trey, nikk, sometimes ryker and like all my opps bro.. my opps know when im in the trenches now bro..
who up missing they ex rn guys#ganggang
Dec 13th
im CRASHING OUT!! i feel like my life gets good and it just spills out, like im doomed. im going to be like my mom, im doomed for the rest of my life. hell ive even been told im doomed to start relationships with. i can take all these meds and go to therapy but ill still always be this fucked up person. why does everyone who does me wrong get to be happy? i dont understand what ive done. nikk is all i really have, sure i have trey aswell. i dont know where andrew is and i miss him and i hope hes ok. all these thoughts and past shit just started flooding back into my head and i couldnt make it stop. i cant eat, i cant sleep, i hate this and i hate everyone too. i really was doomed from the start and theres nothing i can really do.
i wish i could be in my little space bubble. everytime im upset thats all i think about, being in a bubble in space. nobody can bother me in it, nobody can hurt me or screw me over or leak my nudes or dox me or come back or tear me apart. because id be safe, its my bubble and nobody can go in. nikk and andrew ONLY.. i wish all 3 of us had our own bubbles. not that were a friend group but because they are important to me.
hi ranfrandl ☹☹i am shouting you out because i miss u and u read my rentries
trey said hes getting a iphone 16 just so he can have the genmoji feature because i asked abt it. THIS GUY IS SRSLY SPENDING 700 BUCKS FOR EMOJIS I WANT?? talk abt romance.. if hes so dead ass i will make some banger emojis tho
Dec 14th
i miss you please come back
how odd.. very oddd... ilikwhwrpussycUseitpink ✊✊BLM!! oh btw, can you dm me if you checked this in the last few hours? (its 9pm rn) im trying to figure something out.. innit
Dec 15th
i LOVE when people i dislike are sad, hermit i hope you stay sad and also scared of me. you were a BAD friend and you SUCK!!!! YOU SUCK!!!!
i really dont hate anyone else besides hermit crab, its a lot of work to dislike people yk..? lots of time.. and energy.. sooo much work..
ugh no now im mad, im going through my camera roll because i need storage and i ran into old screenshots of(guess who) FUCKING HERMIT! LIKE WHAT ARE THE CHANCES FUCK THIS BITCH! hes just being a shit person towards me in them all aswell, like it couldve been sweet memories but NO.
i was really corny in march/early of the year. im more ist and phobic and less woke now, how times change.. great improvements am i right guys?
andrew.. andrew its been like 5 days... andrew if you see this the world needs you back. NOW!
Dec 16th
aughhh this hurts. i wouldnt wish this feeling on anyone.. at all.. not even hermit.. GODDDDDD
iuuhhh i had a dream and i woke up and started crying #banger..
my stomach HURTS! GODDDDDD... i have the same song on loop it makes me mad i hate it. I AM GOING TO KILL EVERYONE. nikk is my bestfriend and i love him,, he texted me alot when i was asleep and its soooooo awwesome.. i had a dream about a few people.. it ws sad.
anyway stream the comfort of a laugh track by roar because its the only good song out there(nikk dm me plzzz plzzz listen to itllz nikk)
who is sending me all these rlly sad tellonyn messages bro.. im gonna crashout and cryand rip my hair out.
im scared theres something really wrong and unfixable about me.
Dec 17th
not much 2 say.. i doubt ill have anything 2 say later, so dont expect much
no wait i lied, i want someone to have like..ok so yk those apps where u can take photos and draw and put it on ur homescreen, and send it to the other person. i want that,, its such a cute idea, like yes pleasedraw me random pictures and send me random photos on my home screen..
get out i hate you all... anyways i love nikk #myking #blm.. FUCK ME BRO. if nikk has no fans im DEAD. i cant stand anyone else. expect for my huzz but thats different, you know who u are or whatever. anyway i had a bad headache all day.. viva la resitance or something
nvm im happy again, i love animals. i love STUPID RETARDED LOOKING ANIMALS BROOO
Dec 18th
its so silent, but the silence is so loud.
im not gay but im soo gay like help like im gona cry. i get so lovesick i am NOT CRAZY! callum said hes disappointed in me..but he said "its ok dont be dumb though" and i said "ok thanks" farrah says ok or something!!! anywyss.. im STILL GETTING NOSE BLLEEDS LIKE WHAT. twice in like 2 hours..
i love farrah.. she lets me go on tangents which are SUPER FUCKING GAY TANGENTS. and i showed her my nails (gulps) and now she wants 2 paint hers.. i wish she had her phone i want 2 play roblox with her.. shes pawsome sauce bro trust
Dec 19th
hmmmmmmmm
i cant stop having this song on. its so stupid.. fuck you RemindsMeOfMyself by surrendordorothy. LET ME FREE LET ME FREE LET ME FREE LET ME FREE LET ME FREE
im scared im going to fuck things up. i hope i dont, i really hope i dont
oh yeah hey guys, i slept alot today,, thats about it. i also shoveled the driveway cuz we had snow and i like doing it.. nikk has been asleep ALL DAY! i was sad earlier but im ok now, we are UP
alright buddy thats not funny, nikk take the gun and put it in the right spot and let it go off, king nikk help me commit a act of suicide, assisted suicide, as one may call it. Funny fella i am, am i right or am i right. WE BRING THE BOOM, get it, hahahahahahahahahahahaha fine china plates hahahahahahahha!!! i am SO good at this game bro... BROOO.. 2025 is gonna be my bitch bro ong..
ANYWAYS. i LOVE my ex #ilovemyex #truewarrior stay woke, stay fresh or wateva, adam this isnt about you. just so you know. because you clearly cant wrap your head around that. anyways kenny out
Dec 20th
shrug
i keep stepping on fucking glass. i hope nikk is ok. he had it rough today, im sorry nikk
someone rewatch future diary with me..☹tis my favorite show/anime of all time. im gonna sob i love future diary so so much
i got mad earlier i think? i dont really recall the details its all blured now. anyway, i broke stuff.. and when i like, came back to my senses nikk texted me. turns out we were both crashing out at the same time.. in sync i guess. i feel bad i hope hes ok☹ anyways yeah so thats why i keep STEPPING ON GLASS. i had to sit in the bathroom for like 10 minutes and take little shards out.. tis fun.. guys who wants me, am i right or am i right guys
Dec 21st
i dont understand people
i dont care enough 2 keep talking 2 people, MIA ERA!! i only keep tabs on 3 people. im fine with that right now
Dec 22nd
i thought it was saturday today, its sunday. anyways i say stupid shit sonmuch, im gonna ruin this again.. bro im gonna lose it i feel bad.. im sorry man
what did i do ☹
i miss you, i still dk what i did. i dont think youll see this, i dont think a single person keeps tabs on me anymore
kenny shot in the bronx, i hate all of you, i miss andrew, im gonna break someones arm off,
and im gonna drown my sorrows in substances, nikk is a real one. god bless america nigga
kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me. lord please strike me down.
Dec 23rd
idk what do idk what to do help help i cant do this man
farrah is watching me crashout and wail like a little kid☹i dont know what i did im so confused and im scared and i idk what to do and poor farrah is trying to calm me down and its not working shes rhe only person who knows about anythingim sorryi dont know what i did
hi guys i fell asleep playing everskies with farrah because i was sad and she said that we should play it, was helpful thumbs up. anyways someone take me to the back porch and blow mt brains out, for haha funny yk.. it be super funny...
i miss andrew and nikk and uhm and uhhmmm someone else and i want to DIE! i like ethan and farrah theyre nice. they listen 2 me talk about stuff. i like talking about things i like, i LOVE talking about things i like. im gonna go sit in a corner and think now, toodaloo
i lied im back guys. no way in hell will i ever get over this but what can i do? im not the person that youre looking for and i dont think im gonna ever going 2 be. people know who that want and im ok with stepping back, i mean again, what can i do? nothing, i can do nothing. what is there to say anymore. i really need to stop talking to people.. i think im gonna disapper and never speak 2 anyone again.. lord save me this hurts. god bless
help
i wish you would chase me #godbless
im not home rn and im not gonna be for a while, ive never wanted to go home so badly so i can curl up and cry. fuck
Dec 24th
sometimes when im upset i get dizzy and start biting my lips and chewing my nails. i also get sick alot?? i think im just super weak idk, i was texting farrah when i was in the gas station because i kept gagging.. i suppose i also do that. i get upset often even at small things like not being able to do something the way i wanna. sometimes more than often i wish i could be in that little bubble i talked about months ago. i wonder if anyone remembers that. i think about it alot. sometimes i wonder if people listen to the stuff i tell them, i dont really think so because i dont think people remember anything i say. i try not to talk about myself alot though, makes me feel pretty guilty i guess.
morning it uhhh christmas eve or some bs.. id like to sleep longer but icant andy throat hurts, im ok with today though cuz i get2 see raymond.. and his cat.. prince!!!! i had a dream i was texting someone and i woke up and got really sad, i winder if he ever dreams about me
i miss you and i will always miss you and i hope you come back soon or one day. im gonna go sleep now i dont think i wanna be alone with my thoughts. im tired anyways, signing off or wtever
i cant sleep but im a MASTER at crying gang (helpme.)
CHRISTMAS DAY
i miss my ex, also im GOOD at drawinf stick figures of people. ask ethan.. or something idk. ok bye bappy christmas or something(also im a true latin learnwr)
hi xxx im so cold and yhh i got 100 bucks yeah baby thats right, in going to chicago for my presentttt ihhhmm next month. i an sleepy andim not doing THATmuch today so i can chill..
all things come to a end at one point, respice finem
Dec 26th
oh well
2day i called benny and farrah and uhh farrahs.. cousin.. on a google meet, and some random people joined. it was super fun.. very fun
Dec 27th
my days are all blurred and my feelings are all numb, not much you can do about that i guess.
im in a time warp and i cant get out. im tired and im not gonna force people to stay anymore. i cant be bothered to please people anymore. my brain is fuzzy and i want to melt away, im tired.
Dec 28th
i called ethan for 9 HOURS which is record breaking.. (not really) i havent called anyone that long since me hermit and nikk used to call and sleep call. besides that, i think ALOT of people are fed up with me, i can kinda tell but im just not saying anything. if that applies to you, i love you, even if you are mad at me or annoyed with me i still love you.
i really love you☹ it keeps me awake at night
im so cooked. im cooked im cooke holy cooked bro.
im gonna start sleeping more throughout the day, i hve nothing 2do and frankly everyones busy or gone, so i dont see the problem with it. plus im always tired. win-win
i did sleep but now im just mad andnmore sleepy. i got mad and i bit my arm because i didnt know what elemto do. it really hurts.
ok im not mad i just get crabby after i wake uppp.. gulps haha.. anywayyyyyyss.. i did sleep for a bit, very nice. yawnss
Dec 29th
i wish i uhmm didnt take everything people say 2 heart, ughhhuhhh what is my problem man..
i hope these retarded meds start doing something soon, i feel like ive slowly declined recently.. for example smashing a shit ton of stuff and few other things i dont wanna state. its just annoying, im not even bipolar why am i on medication for bipolar. i overthink alot, i think if i just stop caring it would fix stuff, but than im scared people with think i dont like them. so annoying bro.
im going 2 my mamas, my irls are pissing me off which is why i dont talk 2them. i redid my pages last night btw, dm me if u like it.. ethan said its goood.. today i made plans2 call ethan nd farrah, so i will be doing that later.. idk if i have2 call them seperatly but either way i promised so. i think everyone hates me rn besides those two nd angie, its weird 2 think about so i try not2, id rather not.
im at my irls because i started crashing out and we both got scared.. but im chill now.. she got like 4 cats, shes ight, im ight..
what do i do now?
Dec 30th
goodmorning.. im not a morning person but my grandma woke me up and asked if i wanted2 do stuff, i said yes after she said coffee.. so yeah thags what im doing rn, car.. last night ethan was talking about war facts and i passed out... sorryy ethan.. anywayyy nikk give me ur private rentry (morning nikk..)
OH yeah so i did get home or whateva,, few hours ago. i got a new lps.. corgi,,, i had a good day lowkey, i was up so early though.. gulps.. me nd my homies hate you hermit, my hate for you grows like the ego i have.
Dec 31st
last day of the year.. hahahaha..
i have to keep my self busy or i miss, someone, UGHHHH
im awake, hermit mass unfollowing 11:45 est. thanks. anyway fuck 2024 im gonna get a really big ego in 2025. god bless
next month jannnn