/tcgia/ Decks: Patch 14 Archive

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Decks: Card Pack 14 Patch

Bees, Fish & Mold

Deck Archetype: Zoo Aggro/Combo.
Suggested Oshi Power: 't depends.
Mandatory Oshis: Jelly, a certain individual who has been kissing white boys since 2004 and self-inserts as Alice’s white rabbit (Indexknight).
How to play? Some archetypes may die, but they can never be buried – or so they say from Buckinghamshire to Wiltshire. Zoo Aggro is such a specimen, for better or worse. A remastered version of Jelly’s least vulgar release (Where This Jelly Bloons), this deck takes on the role of an aircraft carrier armed with Shiina Bees high on divine wind, grooming water and cocaine – primed to super-helldive into the nearest baiter to feed the Mold Machine. Gone are the Beehives and Doremus, replaced by a squadron of low-curve aggro threats (Pafu, Rie, Wemis, and Cats) that apply immediate, relentless pressure on opponents. Rie and Michi Cat double as makeshift Flower Boy-fetchers, adding a touch of consistency to a bee-fish-mold trifecta that would otherwise have to be divined by the Fates, or the dev's cheat codes. The deck can flounder if Jelly doesn’t Bloon, so you might want to reroll aggressively. As usual, Sakana's role is to play Honey Select and keep the board sticky, now comboing with Bito Breaker (besides Fish Launcher) for unexpected takedowns. Contrary to first impressions, the deck boasts more removal options than one might assume – especially the alternate lists, which lean slightly more towards midrange than pure aggro. The list on the right actually does away with fishes (both launched and Sakana) to focus on molding, with Scientist Jelly flexing as Mary Shelley, and the classic Remi Car/Squibby Queen complement.
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BL Anomaly

Deck Archetype: Ramp/Combo.
Suggested Oshi Power: Depends. When in doubt, Nasa Cat.
Mandatory Oshis: Lumi, Shiina (or Jelly).
How to play? Trusting in the sanity and restraint of combo players is not an option, and this deck is proof of that. Your goal? Engineer a scenario where you can drop a package of BL novels (Bard Lumi) onto your Jelly Bees (Bloons), give her the Mewtwo treatment (Paper Shiina), and then lock in your gains (Anomaly)... all in one turn (or close enough, since your house of cards won’t hold until the keystone is firmly in place)... before your opponent can contest your Brunelleschian dome with more orthodox means. The standard combo requires four different cards -three of which you only have two copies of in your deck- and a casual 3+10 mana over two turns. And Muumi's contingency plan is not any easier to pull off: five cards, a grand total of 8+9 mana, and a dead-but-not-(entirely)-buried Jaune Martyre. You don’t need to be a Wall Street shork to realize that surviving this reverse Russian roulette -featuring a 350-cartridges machine gun drum and just one bullet (the numbers are indicative)- demands an ungodly amount of draw and an equally ungodly amount of mana, plus the right amount of stalling. Plankina and Maitake Dance are there to reassure you that someone attempted to address the first two issues. Everything else keeps your lucid dream from collapsing into a full-blown nightmare too soon. Don't get me wrong: this list is extremely promising; yet, if you expect it to keep its promises, you’re in for a bad time. However, if you treat it like a (somewhat) normal midrange/buff deck, painstakingly edging yourself game after game, you’ll eventually hit that gacha-addict dopamine rush and get your well-earned happy ending.
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Moderately-Exciting Midrange

Deck Archetype: Midrange.
Suggested Oshi Power: 2 dmg.
Mandatory Oshis: Oshiless.
How to play? It's Boring Midrange. Pack 14 Edition. Boring, right? WRONG. This version of the deck should get your heart rate to a... normal level. You're still playing cards that are individually good but you also have some new synergies: namely Adviser Yuri into Alice for a ton of early pressure and Adviser Yuri into Runie to protect your board or if you need emergency taunts.
...
That's it. The deck is just solid. You have Jelly to draw some jards when you're running out of gas or when you don't want to overextend. You have the classic and improved Iori + Aiko combo. Iori is also a good comeback tool (since you usually won't lose the board hard which means you can afford to play her without dying the following turn) and good against the meta-defining Defense cards, doubly so if she's kept alive by my gf Aiko or buffs. And of course, if the point of the deck is running the best cards, you will want Dumb Kani Juice and Lumi Train.
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Switcharoo Everything

Deck Archetype: Aggro/Midrange/Combo.
Suggested Oshi Power: 2dmg? Yes? No? Maybe? I don't know. Can you repeat the question?
Mandatory Oshis: 8ball.
How to play? The title should be self-explanatory. It isn’t. In fact, checking the list might leave you looking like the Bride of Frankenstein's monster right after entering the blind hermit's hut (meowing for no reason), as the deck lacks the glaring attack/health gaps that defined its ancient predecessor. Your own deck doesn’t exactly offer prime swap targets: 2 Sleeping Dogs, whatever 2 Fish Launchers manage to land in/on, and 1 Aiko. If you’re feeling generous, you could count Lumi Train and the occasional Dumb Kani Juice sipper, to abuse defence. Likewise, with only 2 copies of Paper Shiina to go wide, switch-and-kill strategies become much less effective – though 1 Nikki, 2 Airis and 2 Ebers can still put in some work. So, why does this work? Well, ya got me. By all accounts, it doesn't make sense... Until you realize that it’s just a solid midrange with a few tricks to squeeze out unexpected damage and effective witchy finishers, which is a good recipe for success. Plus, Anomaly has progressively gotten better as an utility card, thanks to its ability to deal with the abundance of untargetable torture devices blasting Neko Arc AI covers on loop. Just kidding, have Shiina/PaperShiinaed-Shiina put her 9 inches of S&M kani stacks to use and win out of nowhere.
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"Stupid ember deck" (Cool Pikmin)

Deck Archetype: Combo.
Suggested Oshi Power: Preferably 2dmg but depends.
Mandatory Oshis: ZZ Top.
How to play? Classic Pikmin decks have 2 core weaknesses: 1. if you don’t have Pikmin in hand, your other cards -especially Doremus- become much less effective. And since you have to play something, you risk running out of buffs before you even draw Ember; 2. there are no engines to fetch or draw Pikmin to keep your combos on curve. Cool Glasses partially address the first issue. Businessy Jelly takes care of the second. In short, Jell Zuckerberg’s new i-Xray-endowed Ray-Bans ensure you always know the exact volume of Pikmin’s derriere, enabling architectural parametricism where it truly matters. Aside from the boomerang glasses from the land down under and the shinigami-approved fruits, the deck sneaks in some rather unexpected Pikmin triggers. Lovebugs aren't usually considered prime support cards, but they make for solid 1-drops and pair well with Royal Knights to hold the door. Paper Shiina is tasked with making FBK’s dream a reality through natural selection. Dumb Kani Juice is just good. Aiko is just cute (though one might question whether the classic cloning machine would have been the smarter choice in most matchups). With phasers fully set to hipster mode, this list entrusts removal to prayers, leaving Beeko on the shelf, possibly because Panko refuses to lend her 2cool sunglasses – or due the defence spams ruining this timeline. All in all, this deck lays the groundwork for meta-shaking Pikmins in future patches.
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Anire Resurrection

Deck Archetype: Midrange/Control.
Suggested Oshi Power: 2 healing.
Mandatory Oshis: Ember, Erina, Jelly.
How to play? Anire has a fairly decent effect that triggers at 1 health remaining, once per life. Muumi resurrects cards with 1 health. Healing and buffs naturally go well together (assuming your opponent's deck isn't packing silences), and cloning (Jelly is You) resurrected, shielded, fully healed Anires is a surefire recipe for success, albeit an expensive one. Firebugs are a bit of a wild card since the list runs plenty of 2-damage triggers; however, they contribute more to early board presence than Kindlings, and the deck already has turn 1 drops in the form of Machinists, so there’s that. Even an amalgamation of humanity’s confabulations resting on distributional semantics and circularly validated by echo chamber-dwelling primates should have seen where this was going. Indeed, Chat GPT did (kinda – it got fixated on "recursion" and wanted to call the deck "One Night Last Stand"); and yet here you are, reading this guide. Stop wasting time and Q.
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Shiina Stacks

Deck Archetype: Control.
Suggested Oshi Power: 2 armor or 2 healing.
Mandatory Oshis: Jelly, Yuri.
How to play? Utilize clever game mechanics – tributing the dev in the process. In this deck's case, the fact that cloning a card makes temporary stats permanent and that causes aura effects to be recalculated) to make Shiina as big as possible. But try to exhaust your opponent's answers first because even though this deck has tons of removal and a bunch of buffs and can use them multiple times with Sakana and Scientist Jelly, it has very few dedicated threats. If you fail to architect Shiina you can still win on the back of a self-silence swing turn or cloning some card turned immortal by Dumb Kani Juice.
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Classic Control

Deck Archetype: Control.
Suggested Oshi Power: Nasacat.
Mandatory Oshis: Lumi, Yuri, Ember, Panko.
How to play? This is a classic control deck, and, just like any classic control deck, it is the result of a makeshift Montecarlo simulation involving systematic violations of the Workforce Recruitment Program for College Students with Disabilities. You do not play it to test your skills; you do not play it to have fun; you do not play it to win; you play to see whether the results are corroborated by yet another run or as part of a master-servant training regimen – priming your skirt-wearing opponent to always ask for permission and meekly accept denial. The new entry, Lumi Monorail, acts as the conductor of the deck and mid-game, presenting the opponent with painful riddles and making it surprisingly easy for delayed ejaculation patients to find comfort after God's death. With the inclusion of the neko package, this iteration of the archetype has a much more pronounced board presence, making it easier to keep removals in hand until the time is right. If you really want to be the junter, not the junted, the sexual predator, not the prey, you could fit randoserus and 1 Hunting Lepr in the list to make it even more cagey; however, some lines just aren’t meant to be crossed, if you ask me.
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Defense Ramp

Deck Archetype: Ramp/Control.
Suggested Oshi Power: 2 healing.
Mandatory Oshis: Yuri.
How to play? Defense is super effective against lists that prefer going wide rather than tall, as well as against soft removal (quantified damage). And the more you have, the better it gets: once you have exhausted opponents' answers, and their wit, your Kataphrakts have free reign over the board. With another iron daemon (Lumi Train) choo-chooing its way into the game, Dumb Kani Juice being legalized, simp-hood being downplayed as a temporary clinical condition as part of DOGE’s new reforms, and hard removals being chastised in patch 14, it should come as no surprise that defense has never been this strong. As such, it makes perfect sense to leverage the newly improved manna-summoning dance mechanics to fast-track into a technological victory, multi-track drifting past all ethical concerns and the first few turns by appealing to all sorts of Yuri cards. Aiko and Nikki ensure that your neotanks triumph over any (6-drop, cost-effective midrange) kaiju in their path, crossing another potential challenger off the list. The paragon solid deck overall.

Note that 'mana' is an archaic form of 'manna', supporting the thematical and etymological superiority of bread over coins. Yet another reason to prefer tcgia over its competitors.
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