/tcgia/ Decks: Patch 12 Archive
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- /tcgia/ Decks: Patch 12 Archive
- Decks: Card Pack 12 Patch
- Duplicate Aggro
- Corn Dog Aggro
- Updated Nasa Cat Aggro
- Burn & Heal Yap
- Wide Cats Nyaggro
- Updated Pikmin Combo
- Silence is D'oro
- Jelly Draw Combo
- Emburgers Chain Midrange
- Comedy Tempo
- Ashelia Reanimator
- Bots & Burgers Never Die
- Feline Mid-Range Surprise
- Erina Gang Otsu Control(-ish)
- Infinite Value Control. Code Name: "Grindr"
- Yet Another Pansexual Value-oriented Midrange
- Puss & Buff Taunts
- Macho Exodia Combo
- Updated Monkey Mill
- Control. Just Control
- Updated Big Girls Control (Heal Slut Version)
Decks: Card Pack 12 Patch
Duplicate Aggro
Deck Archetype: Aggro.
Suggested Oshi Power: 2 dmg.
Mandatory Oshis: Remi, Sad Bee.
How to play? The latest version of Duplication Zoo: ensuring bees' sadness by making them homeless. The /tcgia/ equivalent of "pray and spray", in which your patron god is a nephilim living life on hardcore mode, your unreliable Tommy gun sounds like a flock of vuvuzelas (thanks, Armscor), and your opponent has been, or will soon be, possessed by Nicolas Cage. There is little subtlety in this list – just raw aggression: overwhelm your opponent with a relentless barrage of high-attack, low-health cards, banking on their inability to clear the board fast enough, and their limited patience for bzz-bzz-bzz-bzz Kenshiro references; if the preconditions are met, have Sakana proc a buffed card's Kage Bunshin No Jutsu, and watch in empirical delight the relationship between pressure and temperature take effect as your opponent is cooked. Doremu, Jelly Bito, and Idol Remilia handle attack buffs, while Fish Launcher, and sometimes Remilia (when she isn't on cute-aggression duty), keep key pieces in the fight. Remi Car is there to provide cover for your offensive, and Mini Mold can pivot the board from wide to tall, realizing the dream of most Reddit users. Reroll aggressively for Doremus and prime buff targets, and don’t forget to record your opponent’s bewildered reactions at your ability to keep going for your Tinder profile.
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Corn Dog Aggro
Deck Archetype: Aggro.
Suggested Oshi Power: 2 dmg.
Mandatory Oshis: NSAIDs and copious amounts of caffeine.
How to play? Laying in ambush between Doggo Aggro and Hot Dog Ramp, with all the subtlety of Tyler1 channeling his inner scene tree (a bonsai, specifically) because he didn’t get to play Puck, despite his deep spiritual connection to every Neil Perry. You can only play this deck if it is one of those days, when Airi Dog doesn't wanna wake up – you drew no turn 1 Plushie and Fish Launcher won't let you smash. So, toss everything gay, soft, and fluffy (that is, Pafus, and even Yuuna) out the window, and show your opponent why both Khorne and Makima favor hounds and office-lady attire. Ignore all that trading/taunting bullshit, and prove that you can do better than Russell Mulcahy, working with a budget crippled by Argentina's hyperinflation, as you vore corn dogs like a rule 63 Kurgan employed by the Pon Family prepping for the Sacrament of Penance. Great Pon Wolf Airi’s milk is reserved for her finest Airiheads, and you’ve got no time (or mana) to waste on insurance if you want some eggs to go with it. So scream it loud: PON FOR THE PON GOD; SLIMES FOR THE HAG THRONE. And remember to always believe in the heart of the cards, and bring a chainsaw. WHAT?!
Important medical note. Among the symptoms of sleep deprivation for Airi Dogs: increased appetite for meat, biotype-5 depressive cyclothymia, a spike in slurs-per-minute, and eventually the transformation into an Aldous Huxley-Neil Young-Senator Armstrong cerberus-like chimera with an oddly specific fixation on Manitoba wheat in relation to grain dust explosions and sperm membranes' WGA receptors.
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Updated Nasa Cat Aggro

Deck Archetype: Aggro.
Suggested Oshi Power: Nasa Cat.
Mandatory Oshis: Lumi, Jelly, Panko, the polite yet hard-to-pin-down cat lady who is whispering a nursery rhyme encoding tactical missiles launch codes, which might or might not be Lumi.
How to play? A more consistent take on Nasa Cat Aggro featuring the triad Panko, Beeko, Manko (Panko Cat) instead of token Nasa Cats. In short, it trades some burst for more removal and staying power, provided that any list that fields both Panko and Rie is terrifying in the first 2-3 turns by default. This version is also less vulnerable to Alice-induced instant loss 2komas. While the list doesn’t boast as much (underage) pussy as Schrödinger might have preferred ("It is easier to live with a canary than with a colt. I prefer a colt" t. Sylphiette his cuck wife), Michi Cat will now likely fetch you that meow card you need. The Manko count remains high and the new entry combos well with Hagneko for unexpected VIP takedowns. You might want to throw in a copy of Hime Cube now and then, as a sort of Crazy Ivan, just to have your opponent develop schizophrenia.
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Burn & Heal Yap

Deck Archetype: Burn.
Suggested Oshi Power: 2 dmg.
Mandatory Oshis: Ember, improvisational theatre's applications in psychotherapy.
How to play? An updated take on Burn, this deck perfects the art of impromptu yapping. Relinquish your material possessions and the board, retreating into the masturbatory tower of hand solipsism. Prune your opponent's foolish ambitions with Fish Launcher and the Ember firing squad; and when the bonds that keep the wolf Fenrir shackled to her 9-to-5 (+ overtime) break loose, wear with pride the ragged cloak you made out of a fursuit stolen at your first con, unleash Yuri, and put them to rest. With 3 Makinists, 2 Hostess Embers, and the full set of single-target bounces, this deck can heal you for up to 34 life points – even without taking yapping into account; as such, time is on your side, though the list does struggle in junts involving monsters with more than 6 health. By the endgame, expect your life total graph to look like the emotional highs and lows of an unmedicated menhera listening to emo death metal on a Trainspotting-themed rollercoaster; but what’s important is that you’re getting that minimalistic victory screen imprinted on your retinas. Hostess Shiina can snowball hard, securing freebies against opponents unprepared for her wild riding rhythm; after a decise Yuri airstrike, the Ember armored division is more than capable of taking over the town like cowboys from hell; chip damage from your oshi power eventually adds up, especially when yapping is in the mix. You are a wizard, anon. Prove yourself and rise to become the next magister ludi.
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Wide Cats Nyaggro
Deck Archetype: Aggro/Mid-range.
Suggested Oshi Power: Nasacat.
Mandatory Oshis: Lumi, Remi (left); Lumi, Panko (right).
How to play? With the addition of Paper Shiina, pack 12 makes hybrid builds combining Wide Face Aggro and Nasa Cat Midrange/Aggro not only viable, but Rotten Tomato-approved. On one hand, the Nasa Cat block fixes one of Wide Face Aggro's core problems: lack of sustain; on the other hand, Remi Cars and Mini Molds bring much-needed removal and finishers to Nasa Cat builds – resulting in the best symbiotic relationship after that between Twilight yumejoshis and Bela Lugosi-wannabe theatre kids. Summoning a Paper shikigami of your Remi Car while Mini Molds are on the field? That’s a board-flipping move that only Hari Seldon fanboys and normodotated primates can see coming. And granting a marching band to your very own Uma Thurman's Dr. Pamela Isley morphs her into Nonon Jakuzure, turning your expendable chaff into a mojo-powered battalion of bane-posting Primaris Spice Marines (and Hagneko Lumi into the king of Gondor). The version on the right has a bit more removal in Beeko, though sacrificing Idol Remilia is like giving up hope.
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Updated Pikmin Combo

Deck Archetype: Combo.
Suggested Oshi Power: 2 dmg or 2 health.
Mandatory Oshis: Ember, Jelly, Remi, the Mulligan Goddess (/draw card).
How to play? A fresh (kinda) version of Pikmin Combo that abuses origami mechanics, Yomiko Readman-style. Doremus have a prime target in Paper Shiina, who can now churn out some weird n/1 paper tigers. Naturally, Paper Shiina also pairs beautifully with Remi Car for removal. Sleeping Airi Dog is mainly there to add some early-game punch, but feel free to swap them (or Idol Remilia/Venerable Ember) for Fish Launchers or Remilias if you want to focus more on getting your Pikmin ready to play rollerball against Cthulhu while roleplaying as a natural triple-D Gandalf skimpily dressed as Sailor Jupiter. With this list, you can fill the board with them – who knows, maybe they'll break into an unreleased post-rock version of "Heigh-Ho" recorded by Eber herself. Maybe. You never know until you try. While you're at it, see if you can make Doremu & Paper Shiina work with Soldier Airi Bean. Consider it a bounty challenge, you nerd.
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Silence is D'oro
Deck Archetype: Combo/Burn.
Suggested Oshi Power: 2 dmg.
Mandatory Oshis: Yuri, Airi, Jelly, Lumi, Simon, Garfunkel.
How to play? You pray – and leap. This deck is for those who savor seizing control of the conversation, bending silence and yapping to their will in non-Euclidean, explosive synergies. The Rule of Cool is a spouse as demanding as Ango Sakaguchi's cherries in full bloom, and you'll burn through your arsenal, and your sanity, faster than Adlet Mayer just to keep her pleased. Speak sense, anon, or not at all: bide your time, wait for the perfect opportunity (triggering on a natural 20 luck roll), and you’ll steal the show with your own Shichika Hachiretsu Kai of blood and dazzling blossoms: damage from hand (Yuri, I love You), silence (Wanderer, Hostage), twin-linked power (Venerable Airi), free power (Strip Club Airi), yapping (Airi, Jellumi), direct damage (Gumi, Neko Chibi Wemi), and bounce (Starknight); that is the order (the order may change: sometimes silence is useful in its own right, even if it isn't used to prevent Yuri's graduation cum eventual revenge, and you might want to bounce your removals more often than not). With Lumidoro, the Brotherhood’s foremost pupil as a... decoy, and Jelly as your informer, you’re ready to either assassinate your target while Teardrop plays softly in the background, little Hinas flitting around in cinematic slow motion, or to reenact the iconic swordplay scene from Indiana Jones – paying homage to the Arabic origins of “speech is silver, silence is golden” one way or another.
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Jelly Draw Combo
Deck Archetype: Combo.
Suggested Oshi Power: 2 dmg.
Mandatory Oshis: Jelly, Panko.
How to play? It happened again. Instead of waking up to your oshi giving you a sweet lap pillow, you find yourself surrounded by a horde of low-cost creatures, perched atop a pile of rubble – where you landed after a Gen-Z hipster, cosplaying as Che Guevara, hurled some Gura-themed, "Cómo Te Voy A Olvidar"-blasting, LED-adorned bolas at you. Your only chance of avoiding extinction? Playing it by Bangkok rules. No, no happy endings: nobody draws until the bean plushies leave the warehouse. While everyone else is foolishly glued to their phones, you draw (Rie + Pafus), draw (Michi Cat), draw (Jelly), draw (Jerry), draw (Plankina), and when the field is clear, you drop the Rippa (Jelly the Ripper). Not once, not twice (maybe twice, if you want to hide them with Ringodachi), but thrice (Jelly is You). The list's got a nice low mana-curve, letting you fight for board control while you kansei drifto your way through your deck like it's work mail. You’ve got some hard removal (Beeko) and delays (Kyoufuu Allback) to handle the most dangerous threats, but be wary of AOEs. Soon enough, you'll understand that the fate of your games hinges on how skillfully you handle your Panko Cats – which, for whatever reason, are not named Panko Mankos. Also, consider swapping in Cult Leader Lumi to ensure that your angel with a shotgun arrives on time.
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Emburgers Chain Midrange
Deck Archetype: Midrange.
Suggested Oshi Power: Nasacat.
Mandatory Oshis: none. You were always free, Eren.
How to play? The best tempo deck in the format [Citation Needed], capable of pressuring opponents from the very start and accelerating into outright unfair turns, thanks to the combined power of high ldl cholesterol and low mana costs – encompassing the card embodying two out of the three things a wise man fears: a Sleeping (Airi) Dog. As is tradition (in patch 12 decks), Paper Shiina ties everything together, turning your sleeping dogs into sleepwalking harbingers of nuclear chain(-breaking) reactions, boosting your defenses (Smug Wemi), rounding up more meat to sacrifice to the Outer Gods (Remi Plush), recreating the 1955 Le Mans disaster (Remi Car), and devaluing architecture stupid fucking degrees (Yuuna) – all paving the way for the inevitable Great Emburgering. A Yuuna and an Emburgers on the board spell disaster: for a mere 5 mana (Paper Shiina + Emburger), you can summon two 6/6s straight from the Court of Azathoth, restocking two breads in the process. One Emburger leads to another, until obesity ends it all – and remember that if you are full (10 mana), bread turns into card draws, so you don't risk pulling a Mr. Creosote. Naturally, unless your opponent is asleep, high on alpha-Pyrrolidinopentiophenone, or being molested by Airiheads (consensually), the odds of pulling off a disgusting "Turn 3: Yuuna > Turn 4: Emburgers > Turn 5: Great Emburgering" are close to zero. However, this combo remains lethal in the late game, and for 8 mana you can play all the components with an expiration date directly from your hand in 1 turn. Alice and Yuri make this deck solid against aggro, and only a fool would underestimate the midgame strength of Himebee + Nurse Shiina into Pafus. And if that’s not enough, Emburger lets you maximize volatile cards like Fish Launcher and Yuri for even more synergy. The Outer Gods of Burgerland can not be challenged: in that knowledge, despair and die. The spiritually richer and more feline-coded list on the right sacrifices some anti-aggro tools to field more frontliners (Michi Cat, Healber) and make nasamancy a bit scarier (Alpha NC). The added card draw also helps you set up a nightmarish combo involving Muumi and Emburgers more consistently, scaling your Fleet Street bakery to factorio-standards.
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Comedy Tempo
Deck Archetype: Midrange.
Suggested Oshi Power: Nasa Cat.
Mandatory Oshis: Jelly, Panko, Yoshihiro Togashi.
How to play? According to Buddhism's first Noble Truth (dukkha), life is suffering – from beginning, to end; from birth, to death. Jelly Monkey encapsulates this perfectly, as those who laugh suffer, and the supposed divide between tragedy and comedy is a perspectival dichotomy enforced by an artificially drawless game. Caught in an endless loop, you cram your deck with extra chromosomes (Comedy) in a desperate attempt to escape the mill, only to gulp it all down (Michi Cat, Rie & Pafus) like a cold frappuccino takeaway you snagged on the way to work... until it's time for the Rippa (Jelly the Ripper). Lost in the illusion of value and fornication (Neko Chibi Wemi, Jelly is You), picking cloning targets like a numberfag deciding whether they should fap to Ritz Malheur or Road Kamelot based on a spreadsheet. You go wider and wider, fearing emptiness like a Persian miniaturist obsessed with arabesques, a Warframe dev, or a professional yapper. With Ember, Beeko and Shiki no uta, your opponents' plays are as interesting as formulaic small talk. Outswarm, steal & delete, or wait for your finishers: you've got it all figured out. The last laugh might eventually be on you, but for now, it’s on the poor tard who just lost to some monkeys. So, don’t forget to spam those emojis in chat.
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Ashelia Reanimator
Deck Archetype: Midrange/Control.
Suggested Oshi Power: 2 dmg.
Mandatory Oshis: Dizzy, Ember, the local forensic scientist who has messy hair 24/7, weird fetishes and drinks flavored-milk from laboratory glassware.
How to play? Shibari-hiding Ashelias share their territories with Remi Cars. Despite her unimpressive health, she's tighter than a bratty Airihead lock, and some can be highly toxic. As obnoxious as dcs during good games, just like the opponent she’s killing, Ashelia has two tiny buns on top which hint at her true nature. Even Forbidden Ones aren’t immune from an ambush. This Ashelia is a (sexual) predator. Ashelia.
This list sits somewhere between Dizzler Reanimator and Super Ego Control, abusing Paper Shiina, Muumi and Chef Dizzy to spread the infestation and lock down the board. The game plan is pretty straightforward: squeeze disgusting value out of car crashes and viral outbreaks (Remi Car & Ashelia), like a legal team running a profitable insurance scam (Paper Shiina & Muumi). Embrace your love for Vancouver and be the (become the) Canada Diddler, through yet another sequel your opponent definitely did not ask for. Remi Plush and Fish Launcher offer early board presence, setting the stage for your parasites to burrow into your opponent's bowels and brains (if they have any left). The deck also packs solid comeback mechanics, including Yuri, (Venerable) Ember, and Remi Car + Kindlings, alongside Super Ego. Chef Dizzy into Super Ego is yet another trap card that probes your opponent's deck for answers, and Paper Shiina + Wanderer can conjure up an unexpected 6/6 out of nowhere. Through the power of friendship, magic, and flammenwerfers, Jelly + Yuri, Airi, and God can somehow squeeze a good end out of your Pandemic run – which is obviously bad news for you. But let’s be real: not many decks have the luxury of sitting around while the Dizzler goes full Wayang on their asses, waiting for the perfect moment to cauterize the wounds. And Super Ego + 2 Yuri = Half-Life 3 (rounded down to 2) confirmed. Quick Math.
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Bots & Burgers Never Die
Deck Archetype: Midrange/Control.
Suggested Oshi Power: Niyasa Man.
Mandatory Oshis: Ember, Shiina, Dizzy, the in-vitro child-clone of Jeff Bezos and Brian Niccol (all of them).
How to play? Shiina Otsu is an archetype that’s been around since Card Pack 4 – though it’s had mixed success due to the limited number of efficient Lev Andropov-style hardware fixing tools à la Yuri, its kime-gao slow tempo, and the Golgotha merry band (God, the Wandering Jew, and Nasa Cat mobs). With the introduction of Emburgers and the Salish Sea (right next to Vvardenfell) Warehouse Pact of Patch 12.5, the Shiina-Dizzy Emperor Crab Zord now dons new clothes, turning to fast food to seduce shotas desensitized to all forms of nudism and high-impact sexual violence by chinese cartoons, gacha ads referencing Gauguin's pornographic pottery, and Pokemon leaks. The (Sleeping) Airi Dogs package provides strong early-game options and extra tools to reboot your needy tamagotchis when they hit their 30s, alongside Stimulant Providers (doubling as removal), Chef Dizzy (doubling as ramp) and Emburgers (magically transforming exhaust oil and hag secretions into feet salad-laden Krabby Patties). Paper Shiina’s flexibility could put acrobats to shame, as usual, offering early tempo and enhancing your reproductive capabilities, while Fish Launcher, Ember, Shiki no Uta, and Venerable Ember provide covering fire and emotional support to keep your glassy paranoid androids together. If you want to further embrace your Spongebob obsession, you might consider swapping Chef Dizzy for Plankton (Ashelia), going all-in on otsus like the true Teletubbies fan you are. Dead Cat, Remi Car, Yuuna, Emburger, Yuri, and Id are all valid tech choices as well. However, beware: the Hunting Lepr EMP, God, and Anomalies can absolutely wreck not only your game plan and your back, but also your Phase Connect coffee-scented hitchhiker towel and your cherished collection of Tim Burton's characters' wax figurines, which, up until now, have played a critical role in preserving your chastity. The list in the middle sticks more closely to the original idea by choosing not to provide customers with doggy bags, replaced by the true Ohio breakfast – that is, explosions downtown (Ham Grenade, Yuri), butter(cookies), and Dead Cats. The list on the right has a nickname which could only befit either an S&M kink or a big resin WH40k resin toy, or both, at once. Don't ask me about it. I know nothing of it.
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Feline Mid-Range Surprise
Deck Archetype: Midrange/Combo.
Suggested Oshi Power: Nasa Cat.
Mandatory Oshis: A certain odd uranium isotope.
How to play? A cyborg assembly line endorsed by both Taylor Brook and Taylor Swift, featuring some clever switcharoo rocket science. Rie (plus Pafus), Alice and Michi Cat provide early board control and card advantage, paving the way for some satisfying Mankos. Iori and Ember are strong mid-game cards, usually trading up, while your opponent will be forced to respect Nurse Shiina + Anomaly (which also has great synergy with Fish Launchers), carrying you into the blueprint age, out of aggro lists and Games Workshop's reach. Once you are set, you can drop your Grindrman (Erina), create a (shielded) copy of your Tobio (Paper Shiina) while asking yourself whether there is a connection between Dr. Tenma and Miss Maemi, redub that one scene from Boku wa Tomodachi nemesis of the male mecha fantasy, and then make your puppet into a true boy (?) with Lepr's motherly guidance (global silence - shut up and calculate style). The most explosive tech since that one time Oppenheimer tried to build a rice cooker and rolled a critical success. Still, your unbaked golems have feet of clay, so rushing the setup could ruin your chances. While Erina herself may have impressive stamina, after your big turn, the Hunting Lepr becomes the hunted – provided that 2 copies of Lepr and 3 copies of Paper Shiina will often lead into trismus-inducing encores. As a side note, thanks to Alice and Rie's associated soundposts, and Erina’s feline vibes, this list counts as an honorary robot cat deck - with Iori fitting in the mecha theme through an elaborate Aldnoah Zero kataphrakt reference, and Anomaly being conveniently ignored. If the opponent fields God, they won't be trying to talk with it to no avail, so try not to put all your scrips on a single horse-lover, or you'll end up falling down (Prodigy remix).
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Erina Gang Otsu Control(-ish)
Deck Archetype: Midrange/Control.
Suggested Oshi Power: 2 health or 2 dmg.
Mandatory Oshis: Erina, Ember (left); Erina (right).
How to play? Ladies and Gentlemen, it's time to put on the Blitz and brace yourselves for some Baccano! with this jazzy list. Madame Erina might be the latest arrival but she's ready to lead you to victory and take over Tomato Town – with a bit of help from Paper Shiina & Dead Cat (turning her otsu into a true matryoshka) and Rie (for that great thug-thug zoomer chemistry). But first, you'll need to kick those gears into motion, figuratively. Makinist and Smug Wemi are your street vanguards, as well as emergency food/punchbags. Ideally, you'll want Rie to steal the stage on turn 3, to crank up the tempo and recruit some disposable minions. While Erina and Rie might not be too convincing as Bunraku's protagonist duo, (Hostess) Ember is the perfect Bartender (or, rather, tavern master), always making for a strong turn 4 whether you need an hitman or a medic. And if you're in a tight spot, you can either double down on the dorkiness by copying a shielded Smug Wemi with Paper Shiina, or remember that you’ve got a friend in Yuri. With this setup, you should coast smoothly into turn 6. Now, for the first time in forever (the game), you can release the purring tiger: don't – steady your frontal lobe, idiot. If you let your mom be silenced or removed before you get any milk out of her, you'll lose, and you deserve it. To make the most out of the card the deck is built around, you need to be ready to trigger her otsu (Dead Cat), or have her self-replicate (Paper Shiina) – yes, selfcest is still gay (which makes her... a gay cyborg), but that's how you ensure that legends never die and get the death parade going. While Rie's Pafus are all fluff and no bite, Madame Erina’s Bodyguards are far from your average goons: tempered by their tipsy, 1.90m tall, yanderemaxxing dominatrix-gloves-wearing mom, they are not replaceable cogs, but 5/5s folded 55 times – the spirit of the Cimarron cage, ready to defend the harem (character ai's servers). After Koufukuron is played, they are really hard to contend with: the world is Erinya's, and the game is yours.
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Infinite Value Control. Code Name: "Grindr"
Deck Archetype: Midrange/Control.
Suggested Oshi Power: 2 health.
Mandatory Oshis: Panko, Yuri, Ember.
How to play? A yappy spin on control, designed to grind down your opponent by exploiting Beehives and Daily Lumis. This deck boasts an impressive lineup of soft (Ember, Wizard Ember, Fish Launcher, Venerable Ember, Yuri) and hard removal (Kindling, Beeko, I Looove You), the former being further boosted by your yap sources (Airi, Hostess Shiina, Wizard Ember). While Kyoufuu Allback is the sole delay, and the deck itself contains no healing, your oshi power is more than enough to keep the edging session going until your opponent taps out. Drain their resources again and again with your hand-tricks, until they are husks of themselves, and your lines are healthy and inflated. Keep the Hostess Shiina ride alive by feeding her sad bees and healing, and she'll pyon pyon you through the game with ease – provided that even Airi can combo into Daily Lumi turn 4. Hunting Lepr is the best protection against venereal diseases and Exodia players, and can ruin anyone's day on turn 10, played on top of a Yuri or I Looove You. The moniker of this nerve agent, belonging to the organophosphorus class, was chosen by the Game Dev themselves, following the feudal Confucian principle of the rectification of names; thus, this grindy gay list is sure to become /pcgia/'s fan favorite for patches to come. If this kusogaki is giving you too much trouble, remember that it is not the best at dealing with value spikes and burn, and even more control-oriented decks can DomLoss it fairly consistently.
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Yet Another Pansexual Value-oriented Midrange

Deck Archetype: GOATS Midrange/Control.
Suggested Oshi Power: 2 healing.
Mandatory Oshis: Ember, Erina, the homeless guy patrolling the Walmart's entrance who kinda looks straight out of Aqualung's cover and might, or might not, be a kafir djinn.
How to play? A midrange filling the gap between Grindr and Heal Control, with a focus on Shiina Hermit Crab and Erina. Provide your 3(00) Laconian Crimson-Shell Hoplite Crabs with their daily dose of Fish supplements, pain killers, and positive affirmations, and they’ll make sure you don’t miss Alice and Yuri (you'll miss Tenmacho still): they will earn their keep by culling 1/1 nests, providing card advantage, scaring away bees and antis, also transitioning well into mid-game. If you are lucky, they may even bait hard-removal – which, of course, you don’t want directed at Erina. Speaking of Erina, she’s been a long-time contender for the best 5-drop in midrange lists, and the latest episode of Pimp My War Wagon (patch 12.5) blessed her with a Terminator software update, unlockable if you take the time to bake her using the secret recipe hidden in Acca 13’s score while cosplaying as Žižka. This makes her a standout centerpiece, especially when backed by the Ember package, as you get ready to roll out the actual Panzer division. Hostess Shiina, post-Koufoukuron, can be deadly if the game drags on, and her synergy with Daily Lumi is still there, even if Lumi is only included as a single copy – for healthier, more reactive, cam-ready hands.
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Puss & Buff Taunts
Deck Archetype: Midrange/Control.
Suggested Oshi Power: Nasa Cat, if you insist on playing Hagneko.
Mandatory Oshis: Jelly, Hime, Remi (left); Jelly, Hime (mid); you do not talk about the list on the right.
How to play? A deck with two faces – just like Janus, Professor Quirinus Quirrell, any DC-verse character who studied law, VTubers & their fans, and anyone who hasn't fully unlocked their inner Pirandello-tier cast of personas because they are too focused on being a loser. In a schizophrenic episode reminiscent of someone using a seasonal wardrobe change as an excuse to torch all their handed-down clothes in order to distract themselves from Nurarihyon no Mago's incestuous subtext, you’ll spend the first half of the game frantically rushing to draw your low-cost cards (Rie, Michi Cat) before the Night of the Macho Tenmas: with hand buffs (Doremu, Remilia, Idol Remilia), hand debuffs (Panko Cat) and utilities (Paper Shiina, Alice, Shiki no Uta), you’re set to (hopefully) transition into the true gachi world of 5+ drops without having to uuuuuu in despair over missing Ember & co. In the second phase, your approach shifts, from quantity to quality: you’ll overwhelm your opponent with beefy, taunting threats (Tenmacho, Demon Lord, Jelly the Ripper) that have an immediate effect on the board state and make ideal cloning targets (Jelly is You). Again, unlike a gachikoi’s brain hemispheres, the deck’s two parts are actually functionally-connected: Doremu synergizes with Demon Lord, and Cats make Hagneko playable before she’s struck by senility – or, worse, menopause. Listing no Embers or Airis (kinda), and a tactfully controlled dose of Paper Shiinas, this brew has been famously elected the most refreshing change-of-season offal-based recipe by the Emperor Jiajing himself, just ahead of mao xue wang with virgins' period blood, and Excel Saga's Menchi. The list in the middle does away with the puss and adds some more buffs (more Doremus, Jellybito) and disruptions (Nikki, Yuri, Gatekeeper, Parasite). Its ultimate purpose is investigating how many taunts can be put into a single deck before the game dev enacts the final solution to the funny shield question. It is also slightly less subsceptible to mill. you DO NOT talk about the list on the right! Someone yells "stop!", wears a skirt, gets sent to the shadow realm, the duel is over.
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Macho Exodia Combo
Deck Archetype: Combo/Control.
Suggested Oshi Power: 2 dmg.
Mandatory Oshis: at least one among Ember, Panko, Airi (left); Ember, Yuri (right).
How to play? So, you want to be a CHAD?!! Of course you do! But what is that whimpering I'm hearing??!! You’re not down to rock Hawaiian shirts year-round?! NOT A TRUE CANADIAN!! You are not a fan of the Worf effect?! NERD!! THE FUCK IS THAT?! Your grandpa isn't called Oscar Joaquim de la Rosa?! FUCK NO!! Your grandpa’s an Egyptologist, a war hero, the guy who single-handedly sank the USS Arizona at Pearl Harbor! And you? Now, turn 1, you might be a Pafu, a kitty kitty Kindling, but I'LL MAKE A CHAD OUT OF YOU!!! A non-Mexican Chad (YES!!) a non-Atzec Chad (YEEESS!!!) the last action hero (NOT TO BE!!), a Macho Macho Man (PROTEIN SHAKE!!) worthy of AWAKENING YOUR MASTERS (30ma, 10Macho and the ghost of Sparta). I'M YOUR PERSONAL LIZARD (are you in a position to question this?) AND THIS IS YOUR BIBLE: 100 pachi-pachis, 100 manually written ritual posts, 100 maros, and a 10-hours squatting Pandaoke marathon; EVERY. SINGLE. TURN!! By turn 2, you’ll be smashing Panko or Rie on the board like it's NOTHING. Your opponent will know how AGGRO you are. AWOOOOO—that’s Airi, ready to blow them away (GIWTWM!!!). And then -BAKURETSUs- Jerry, Jelly, and Plankina are speeding up your GAINS. It's turn 5: you’ve got a Tenmacho in one hand, a Ringodachi in the other, and you’re already 2/5 or 3/5 on your way to becoming your TRUE SELF. NOW IT’S TIME! DISCARD YOUR WEAKNESSES. THROW AWAY YOUR ALCOHOL. Just do it. Don't get distracted, the rum is gone. Wear that skirt to cheer up. I SAID WEAR THAT SKIRT!! Focus! Your transformation from Kanpainiki to Kinnikuman is happening right now, right here! Through the POWER (POWEEEEEEEEEER) of whoring (SO MANY OSHIS!!!!! SO MANY EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!! A SURE SIGN OF A DISEASED MIND!!!!!), reclaim control of your game, your life, AND your World of Warcraft account (which was stolen from you when you were 9 – an event which made you into the gym bro you are today). By the time you've got all YOUR pieces in YOUR hands, and not just your penis like usual, YOU’LL BE UNSTOPPABLE, just like Freddie. Just remember to hide behind a Ringodachi when you make your grand entrance. The control variant in the middle is actually straight, and capable of winning games – through the inclusion of more taunts and a focus on AOE removals. The list on the right mixes the 2, sneaking in some Ringodachis for the combo, and, as such, is bisexual. Pick depending on your preferences.
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Updated Monkey Mill
Deck Archetype: Mill/Control.
Suggested Oshi Power: it is contingent.
Mandatory Oshis: Jelly, Ember, either J.S. Mill or J. Milton depending on the variant.
How to play? Updated version of Monkey Mill XD where the XD has been lost to Smoker Jelly jokes and the time-slot roulette. The deck still relies on the classic (putatively) utilitarian Monkey Business (Jelly) core that defines the archetype. Likewise, Kyoufuu Allback on repeat & Yuri are once again the most impactful delaying and AOE tools, respectively. However, most other cards have been swapped out to keep pace with patch notes and players' pathological patterns. Beeko and I Looove You have been benched in favor of the (now) more reliable Jelly is Me, to deal with the rise of the shield hero(es) and other tanks, as well as cards that really need a one-way ticket to hell (though, as a result of that, the deck lacks removals which can be bounced in case of emergency). The Shiina-Pafu combo is displaced by the classic Ember package, while Fish Launcher has been switched out for the Wemi hit-and-run bundle, to stop Nasaling rushes. Without any extra draws, it becomes possible to cut down on Monkey Jokes while riding the demographic tide of Starknights investing in Kek(ec) coin – fully committed to keeping the flute tune (Soulpride Remix) and the mill strategy going strong. Jelly is You also makes its way into the list, allowing for Jelly is You + Jelly is Me Agent Smith-like manouvers to nab win conditions or useful taunts (me too), while retaining more flexibility over Parasite. Alternatively, if Baba is You is not your thing, you can pick Alice and I Looove You, ensuring that aggro players allergic to gfe, art, and protracted, passionate dueling sessions, get a bad ending. Notably, the deck now contains an optimal (insane) amount of Jelly (12/24), making it a fan favorite for Starknights, leatherback turtles, and the average Utahn – a perfect setup for a joke I’ll be leaving on the shelf, if only because I hold no grudge against Jelly Bellys, despite their questionable enthusiasm for testing explosives on lab monkeys to min-max their shock-absorbing potential, claiming that's Comedy's role in the deck.
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Control. Just Control
Deck Archetype: Control.
Suggested Oshi Power: pick your poison depending on your opponent. When in doubt, Nasa Cat.
Mandatory Oshis: Ember, Panko.
How to play? How much removal do you want? Yes. That's basically it: the deck. Play to outgrind, not to win, and keep trading until your opponent is out of steam and begging for the Canadian healthcare's special. Unless your opponent is playing a combo deck, you can just keep the gates open, and sit there playing your guqin, never using one card too many. Make them feel like everything is going according to your keikaku. Keep hitting them with 1 Shiinabee per turn to ensure they never come back (don't do that, you psycho, we need more players). Paper Shiina is your key piece, duplicating your Remi Cars, your Sleeping Airi Dogs, Beehives, opponent's cards or credit cards. If you want to have even more removal (that is, if you are a complete degenerate), consider switching Sleeping Airi Dogs for Alice, Starknight, Paper Shiina, Remi Car, I Looove You, or embrace polytheism and field a second God. If you haven't achieved nirvana and understood that everything is a win condition, maybe throw in an Emberjho, a Madame Erina, or a Cult Leader Lumi. You should have enough value to outlast most decks tho, especially if you manage to combo Yuri into Wanderer. Thankfully, despite all the clear, healing, delays, and single target removals, there is a good chance you'll lose to Burn or Wide Aggro.
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Updated Big Girls Control (Heal Slut Version)

Deck Archetype: GOATS Control.
Suggested Oshi Power: 2 healing.
Mandatory Oshis: Airi, Ember, Erina, your aunt-cousin-wife-chainsaw from another world.
How to play? HEAL. HEAL! HEAL. HEAL!! HEAL! HEAL. HEAL. HEAL. HEAL? HEAL!! HEAL!! HEAL! HEAL. HEAL. HEAL. HEAL. HEAL! HEAL. HEAL. HEAL!! HEAL!! HEAL. HEAL... HEAL. HEAL. HEAL. HEAL!!! HEAL. HEAL. HEAL!HEAL!HEAL! HEAL. HEAL. HEAL! HEAL. HEAL. HEAL! HEAL. HEAL! HEAL. HEAL! HEAL. HEAL. HEAL. HEAL! HEAL!! HEAL!!! HEAL. HEAL! HEAL. HEAL! SUCK. HEAL. HEAL! HEAL. HEAL!! HEAL! HEAL. HEAL. HEAL. HEAL? HEAL!! HEAL!! HEAL! HEAL. HEAL. HEAL. HEAL. HEAL! HEAL. HEAL. HEAL!! HEAL!! HEAL. HEAL... HEAL. HEAL. HEAL. HEAL!!! HEAL. HEAL. HEAL! REDO.
Updated version of Big Girls Control. Hail Venerable Airi. Play Tenmacho only when you're really backed into a corner, the Bitos are rioting again with no Liker in sight, or you're up against a combo deck you need to outpace. Keep hitting your oshi's button like you're a retired pro bassist with Parkinson's and senile dementia, hallucinating she’s teetering on the edge of orgasm. If you end up in a mirror match, you are legally obligated to roleplay as Liquid and Solid – complete with syringe ballet and Titanic scene reenactment.
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Archived 01/02/26 [yeah, it's redundant. I just like useless fields]